It's Not HIC Funny
by ForeverTreasure
Summary: Cute little one-shot. Bella's staying with the Cullens for the weekend and get's the hiccups. A wager between our favourite family of vampires occurs. Told from Bella's and Edward's point of view.


**Just a little one-shot inspired by my own hiccups while in the middle of reading Eclipse...for the millionth time ;) This will go back and forth from Bella's point of view to Edward's. Enjoy.**

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**BPOV**

I was sat on the white sofa snuggled up with Edward. Emmett and Jasper were playing their weird version of chess on the other side of the room and Alice and Rosalie were sat at the computer designing clothes or something. Carlisle and Esme were out hunting. It was a rare Saturday with the sun shining so Charlie had found his way to La Push where he and Billy were fishing so it gave me the wondrous opportunity of spending time with my – cue the shudder – fiancé. Despite the fact that the thought of matrimony made me sick to my stomach I loved the idea of tying myself to Edward in every possible way and I nestled closer into his embrace.

After the whole disastrous affair with Victoria and her newborn army, along with the frightening visit of the Volturi, it was finally over and there was an air of peace and calm in the air. I decided to also push Jacob's absence from my mind. We needed to relax this weekend and so this was how I found myself watching some mindless car show or something that was on the screen of the television, I wasn't sure nor was I too concerned with it. My thoughts were on the vampire who currently had his arms wrapped around me and was nuzzling at my neck, pressing sweet kisses behind my ear, my jaw and across my shoulder – seemed to me that he was paying as little attention to the T.V. as I was.

I hummed in contentment when his cool, smooth lips brushed against my temple when suddenly, out of the blue a sound came from the back of my throat that made my shoulders jolt and the skin of my cheeks burn with a blush. Every vampire in the room froze, Jasper and Emmett, who had previously been arguing about cheating stopped mid-debate and looked over to where I sat with Edward. Alice and Rosalie gazed at me from where they were stationed at the computer and I felt Edward stiffen behind me, ceasing his kisses, and turn a little so he could look at me.

In the shocked silence another noise, similar to the previous one, escaped my throat and I slapped my hand to my mouth. Suddenly, the beautiful un-dead creatures erupted into howls of laughter. If possible, I blushed a deeper shade of crimson, covering my flushed face with my hands.

Alice was giggling openly while Rosalie was trying to stifle hers behind her hand, the boys were rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs and Edward's laughs and shaking shoulders were rocking my whole body.

Eventually they calmed down and the room was filled with the last few snickers, but to my dismay I hiccupped again just as it went silent and the laughter burst out of them all again, harder and louder than before.

I glared in my embarrassment, standing, my hands on hips. Edward let me go seeing as he was laughing too hard to hold me any longer.

"It's not-" _hic_ "funny!" My serious facial expression and posture, not to mention irritated tone of voice and the warning in my words were washed away the second another hiccup escaped and the siblings roared with mirth.

I scowled at each and every one of them in turn, but who was I kidding? As if a roomful of vampires were going to cower under the glare of a weak little human – a hiccupping one at that!

I crossed my arms and stamped my foot in annoyance, but the minute my foot touched the ground, yet another hiccup jumped from my throat.

Emmett was pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye, the girls looked as though they were fighting to breathe, Edward – sensing my anger – was sitting with his eyes squeezed shut his fingers holding his mouth closed but his shoulders were shaking and he was grasping at his stomach. Jasper was in complete hysterics due to his own amusement and the glee of the others, he was like a sponge soaking it all up but not only was he taking it in, he was also projecting it around the room, the emotion too strong to keep under control, causing the others to continue in their laughter, and so it went in an infuriating cycle – on my part.

_Hic!_

"Ahahaha!" Emmett laughed, "Bella, why the hell are you making that noise?" Clearly he had forgotten, in his long life as a vampire and his fuzzy human memories, that the hiccups weren't something I could control.

"She can't help it," Alice chortled between gasps.

"Ed-" _hic_ "-ward!" I whined.

He shook his head trying to reign in his chuckles, "I'm so ssss-sorry, love. I've never heard you hiccup before." He buried his face in the cushion and howled into it. I glared at the back of his gorgeous head of bronze hair.

"Ugh," I growled, throwing my hands up in the air with another _hic_, "I've had enough with the lot of you." I stormed in the direction of the stairs when the voice of Rosalie stopped me.

"Oh, Bella," her voice was relatively calm – no longer chortling – and I wondered, baffled, if I had gained an ally in her. "We're sorry, it's just been such a 'hic' long time since we've heard a human 'hic' hiccup."

I stared, shocked, that despite her teasing she was being civil towards me. But when I hiccupped again and the five golden-eyed angels laughed harder at both the hiccup and Rosalie's teasing I stomped up the stairs, hiccupping all the way.

**EPOV**

I knew I should really go after her, but I thought it best if I calmed down first. I couldn't help but laugh. I was just so surprised when the funny little sound slipped from her lips. My siblings amusement at the situation didn't help at all, nor did Jasper's gift.

"What in the name of all that's Holy was that?" Emmett asked. Rosalie was right, it had been quite a while since we had heard a human hiccup, and even when we had it hadn't been so amusing due to the fact that we did not know them, nor had we stayed around the human long enough to find any type of entertainment in it.

Not only had Bella's hiccups come on so suddenly, but her attempt to be serious and angry while such a funny sound came from her just had us all in stiches – figuratively, of course.

"When she stamped her foot and hiccupped at the same time," Jasper shook his head, still chortling, which, of course, had us all laughing too.

"She couldn't help it Emmett, it's just a natural human body reaction." I explained. I had managed to stop my snickers but a big grin was still plastered on my face.

"How does she stop it?" He wondered.

"Typically by having your mind taken off it. Most humans try to stop hiccups by scaring whoever has them." Alice said. Her eyes became wide as she saw something then her smirk became a full out beam, followed by gleeful laughter.

I shook my head with an eye roll, "Not going to happen, Alice." But despite my warning nothing about her vision changed. Looked like I wasn't able to alter it.

_You know why you can't change it don't you?_ She thought, smirking at me, _It's because you want a part in it too._

I shook my head but couldn't lie to Alice; it would be interesting to see how this played out. I was already plotting myself.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Will you please explain? Not all of us are mind readers or fortune tellers."

"I see a little bet being carried out this weekend." Alice said simply, "And it's one that apparently _all_ of us are going to be taking part in." The pixie eyed me with a mischievous look.

"Well, what is it?" Jasper asked.

"What do we get if we win?" Emmett questioned, excitedly.

Alice gazed into nothing for a few moments before saying, "The winner gets to decide what the others do for the rest of the week – for example they could send us out of the house completely or make us slaves to do their bidding."

Emmett rubbed his hands together waggling his eyebrows, "What's the wager?"

Alice paused for dramatic effect and I rolled my eyes, she stuck her tongue out at me before saying, "Whoever get's rid of Bella's hiccups wins."

Emmett punched his fist in the air letting out a whoop of delight, Jasper was watching him, thinking of ways in which Emmett would go about this and playing around with different ideas himself. Rose giggled.

"What are the conditions?" Jasper asked.

"We all get one shot each." Alice said.

"How long do we have?" Rose inquired.

Alice frowned a little before saying, "If none of us succeed, they're going to stop by the end of the weekend anyway. They'll come and go throughout today and tomorrow but they'll officially stop on Sunday night."

Emmett frowned at me, "Why isn't Eddie boy objecting to this?"

Alice laughed, "Because he's already planned out how he's going to try and stop them. Plus, he really, really wants to win."

"Don't get your hopes up, Ed, everyone in this house knows I'm the champion of all bets."

I quirked an eyebrow, "I'm going to beat you so bad it'll make you cry."

**BPOV**

I had laid on the bed in Edward's room, reading Wuthering Heights, to calm myself. I wasn't truly angry with them all, when I thought about, I was just really embarrassed and fairly irritated that they found something so typical so funny. Well, I suppose nothing and nobody in this house was very typical.

"Bella, love." I looked up the see Edward leaning against the doorframe watching me, he wasn't laughing but his eyes were full of glee yet they held a hint of remorse. He made his way to the bed and sat beside me, looking down at me. He brushed some hair from eyes, tucking it behind my ear and leant down the kiss my forehead. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. We didn't mean to upset you."

I sighed, putting my book down and sitting up, leaning back against my hands. "You didn't-" _hic_ "upset me." He couldn't hide his small smile and I rolled my eyes. "I can see how a bunch of vampires may have found that sit-" _hic_ "situation…comical."

He caressed my cheek with his cool hand and I couldn't help but lean into it.

"Still," he murmured, "I apologise on behalf of myself, and all my siblings."

I heard all the others in different parts of the house chorus, "Sorry, Bella."

I giggled, my shoulders jumping with another hiccup.

Edward's eyes darkened a little and smouldered, I watched him as he leant forward brushing his lips over mine, pushing me back into the pillows and hovered over me. His mouth moved sensually over mine, his tongue very carefully tracing my bottom lip. I gripped his hair in my hands pulling him closer as his own hands wandered. He rolled to the side, hitching my leg over his hip, running his hand up and down my thigh, the other holding my head gently to his.

_Hic!_

He pulled back a little with a smirk and something that looked like defeat in his eyes but before I could think about it he had moved his mouth to my neck eliciting a small moan of pleasure from me. We hadn't gone this far since the day in the meadow and I was revelling in it now.

Suddenly, the door Edward had previously closed behind him, burst open and his annoying fairy sister skipped in. I turned to glare at her, as did Edward, a growl rumbling his chest.

"My turn." Alice sang.

I frowned in both confusion and aggravation at her interruption, "What?"

"My turn with you," She clarified sitting herself on the corner of the bed, "Edward's had you all day, it's _my_ _turn_ now." She gave Edward a pointed look that I didn't understand. I watched in puzzlement as they had one of their silent communications, staring intently and angrily – on Edward's part – at each other. Edward sighed, seeming to lose whatever argument they were having.

"Come on, Bella" Alice stood, taking my hand in one of her own and pulling.

"Wait," I whined, clutching myself to Edward. She let go and I took his face in both my hands, caressing his cheeks as I pressed a kiss to his mouth. He kissed me back enthusiastically before Alice's huff of impatience made us part. He kissed my cheek sweetly.

"Love you," he murmured.

"Love you, back" I said with a smile, giving him one last longing kiss before Alice dragged me out the room.

"So what are-" _hic_ "we doing?"

"We're going to watch a movie I brought the other day." She said with a smile, prancing down the stairs.

A little while later I found myself with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and the lights switched off as I attempted to hide behind my other hand. Alice and stolen the pillow I had been using as my shield.

"Why the hell did you buy this movie?" I all but shrieked in a whisper, I hated horror movies with a passion, they were boring, and the dumb girl that always ran upstairs when being stalked by a killer rather than out the front door infuriated me. But this, this was well and truly horrible. Paranormal Activity was not something I had planned nor wanted to see, yet here I was, being forced to watch it without even the comfort of a pillow to hide behind.

I grasped my hair in my hands when the light of the bathroom switched on and the sound of pounding footsteps running sounded throughout the room on the television, the door slammed shut and the couple that had been sleeping in the bed screamed. The guy got up and tried to open the door but it shook and trembled and slammed.

_Hic!_

My leg was bouncing in my anxiety and I covered my eyes. "Alice can we please turn this off? I'm going to have nightmares tonight."

She sighed and I heard her stand when suddenly, in the darkness a hand grabbed my shoulder and a roar sounded in my ear.

"AHHHH!" I jumped up from the sofa with a scream, the popcorn flying everywhere. I spun round, the lights switched on and I found Emmett laughing his head off.

"Emmett." I heard Edward's growl from the bottom of the stairs and I was suddenly wrapped in his arms, his hand smoothing my hair, the other rubbing my back soothingly.

Emmett was still chuckling, "That was so funny."

"N-" _hic_ "No, it wasn't."

His laughter stopped as he stared at me, gaping.

"What?" I asked.

He frowned, "Nothing," he grumbled and headed upstairs muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Dammit, I'm out."

I looked up at Edward for an explanation but he just shrugged his shoulders, not meeting my eyes. Something weird was going on around here.

"Come on," Edward murmured, "Let's get you to bed. I have a feeling, thanks to Alice," he glared at his sister, "there's a chance you'll be having nightmares, tonight."

I grimaced with a hiccup.

"Don't worry, love. I can think of a number of things that could keep your mind otherwise occupied." He gave me a kiss to emphasise his point. I grinned.

"Edward." Alice said sharply and Edward rolled his eyes.

"I simply want to spend time with my soon to be wife, it does not concern you, or anybody else." He gave her a heavy glance and she skipped off, seeming satisfied with whatever strange meaning underlie his words.

I frowned in confusion but in the space of a blink I found myself on the bed, the door closed and his lips on mine and I no longer cared about whatever was going on with Alice and the rest of his siblings.

I didn't have any nightmares that night.

**EPOV**

Yes, Bella's impatient human hormones had once again become my ally. Unfortunately, however, this time they did not work. That didn't mean that Alice had to barge in and interrupt my defeated yet extremely pleasant make-out session with Bella. I was still holding a grudge for that.

To my complete pleasure Alice's attempt at scaring Bella's hiccups away didn't work either, it was petty, but I was glad she had not succeeded after her disruption of mine and Bella's alone time.

Emmett, like Alice, had tried scaring the hiccups away and I was much more angry with him about how he went about it. There had been no need to scare her in such away. And again, I was happy he had not succeeded.

Both Alice and Emmett would have been the most unbearable if they had won and Rosalie and Jasper, also, were both pleased that neither had accomplished what they had set out to do. They were also learning from the mistakes made by the those of us who had failed. Well, from the mistakes of Alice and Emmett anyway, I didn't believe either of them would try to seduce the hiccups away. Listening to their thoughts I found that they both had come to the same conclusion – that scaring Bella wasn't going to work.

Jasper was going to use his gift to win.

It was Sunday afternoon, Bella had just eaten lunch and we all were lounging in the living area. I was sat on the sofa next to Alice, Rosalie was sitting in the armchair flipping through a magazine and Bella was on the floor between Emmett, who was egging her on, and Jasper who was tapping furiously at the Xbox remote - Bella had the other.

So far Bella had been winning before Jasper shot defeated emotions at her and she began to lag behind.

"Don't cheat." She growled furiously, a frown of concentration and frustration on her face. She was really cute, I kissed the top of her head.

Jasper picked up on her frustration and focused his energy on that, increasing it and sending it right back to her. Bella thought he was doing it to win but the rest of us knew he was doing it to win the bet rather than the game.

"You Lose" bounced across Bella's side of the screen on the television and she sighed, crossing her arms after handing Emmett the control, "I-" _hic_ "Give up."

Jasper tutted and passed his control to me.

Bella watched him in confusion. In her eyes he had just won the game, to the rest of us he had just lost and Rosalie had won the bet. I realised as I looked over at said vampire as she smirked into the magazine that that had been her tactic all along, she wouldn't bother trying. She let our competitive sides take over so she would sit back and watch the show knowing that when we all failed she wouldn't even have to lift a finger to win. It was so typically Rose.

Bella growled with another hiccup, "I really w-" _hic_ "wish these hiccups would just go away."

"Get a glass of water and try to drink it from the wrong side of the cup." Rosalie said without even looking up from her magazine. Bella glanced over to her. "Your mind will be so focused on trying to do the impossible task and your hiccups should stop."

All of us sat up straight, on alert as Bella went to fetch a glass of water, Rosalie didn't even watch as Bella tried to do as she said.

After about ten minutes of silence and still no hiccup we all turned to stare at Rose, aside from Bella who gave her a simple, "Thanks," and watched the rest of us in confusion.

We all had tried everything, even Jasper's gift hadn't worked and something as simple as what Rosalie suggested had?

Rosalie looked up at us all and shrugged, "What? It's basic psychology. Honestly, don't you pay attention in class?"

We all howled with laughter and Rose looked smug.

Bella watched us all before saying, "Do I even want to know?"

We only laughed harder shaking our heads at her question.

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**There you have it :) That whole try and drink from the wrong side of the glass thing actually works. **

**My psychology teacher told us about it and I made my sister do it, she gets hiccups all the time and they're really annoying because she hiccups like a frog. **

**Now whenever there's even a hint of her beginning to hiccup I just hand her a glass of water. Lol. **

**Tell me what you think** **:)**


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